2/06/2006

Multiple Wargasms

Think outside the box: no draft, rather- Compulsory Military Volunteerism!
The Mighty "Plan" AKA Q.D.R,has been released by the Pentagon, garnering mixed reviews among critics. "I laughed, I cried, I fell in love with Rummy all over again," said Sam Jackson,from The Society of Perpetual Empire. Jackson praised Rummy for his reassurance that the U.S. will be warmongering for at least the next twenty years- a prediction that also drew applause from the energy and technology sectors...
"We need to know that this administration is looking out for us,"said a spokesperson from Energy First, John Swank, also the author of Natural Resources THEY Don't Want You To Know About.

The Plan calls for the shifting of troops, and a goal to increase conflicts by at least 200% within the next five years. On deck? China. Said Rumsfeld: "I've got my eye on those bastards!" According to the report, Rumsfeld has his eye on many bastards, proving that he is capable of multiple wargasms and much simultaneous insurgi-blasting.(continued)


But critics, though few, have been quick to point out that the Pentagon plan promises alot, but does not call for an increase in troop levels. When asked if this hints at a possible draft, Rumsfeld denied that a draft was in the works. The course of action would include a two phase plan: a period of economic stagnation, outsourcing, and reduced education spending, followed by an aggressive recruiting campaign to attract those displaced by the first phase. "Brilliant!" shrieked Condi, who made remarks from her box in Detroit during the Superbowl.

Rumsfeld was asked what would happen if another Democrat like Bill Clinton came in and the economy improved, and we saw a repeat of Reagan-Reversalism. What would that mean for a nation bogged down by quadra-conflict? A draft?

"Robots." Rumsfeld replied. "Or, we can draw on compulsory military service volunteers".





47 comments:

AJ said...

"...a period of economic stagnation, outsourcing, and reduced education spending, followed by an aggressive recruiting campaign to attract those displaced by the first phase."

Excellent Lily...ah.. I did get it right this time right? Yes, btw is Lew still mad at me?

Anyway, you hit it on the head.
On an aside, and a bit off topic, I have been reading of the "escape" of 23 some odd prisoners at what must have been a -"high security facility" (considering they had death row inmates), and found a tunnel over 400 feet which they escaped in.
When I was a boy, I had fun out in the fields digging and envisioning a cool tunnel/underground hideout away from brother, sister, family ect.
Do you know how much dirt is displaced with a simple 6 foot hole????
They must have disregarded the mound that was rising in and on the other side of the fence.
Now this could turn into something not nice..

Neil Shakespeare said...

He has an eye for the bastards, that's for sure. BTW, why can't we outsource our military? I mean, we're doing a lot of that already, right, with private contractors? So why don't we just hire, say, the Indian Army? Or the Pakistanis? Or both? No sense sending American people to die, right? And it would be cheaper too, right?

Tirebiter in Sector R said...

Come on gang, sing along:

War is endless
If you want it
War is endless
If you want it

Repeat. Over and over.

In related news, we find via Salon that the military isn't quite so picky as before about recruits having a brag sheet, so you felons who were worried about the oppty to kill people and get paid for it may be eligible after all.

Next week: "DOD Offers to Simplify Drug Benefits for Seniors Who Sign Up"

The Practical Anarchist said...

Yes, twas me. The Lilypath.

Can't speak for Lew, but he routinely presents as one of the most reasonable and forgiving guys around. How else could he blog with me? He's like the Noose Nanny.

I just assumed they ATE the 980K pounds of dirt?

tp said...

These senior drug benefits are a pretty misguided form of Darwinism...

Bitch said...

Hardly "misguided" rather cleverly guided to engender confusion and ultimately more profit to the drug companies and insurance sector, the latter of which have created more program choices andconfusion for all involved.

Universal health care in my lifetime? HA!

What are the odds the "Seniors" and "disabled" will march on Washington to protest by summer?

tp said...

By misguided, of course I refer to the fact that there are many people who think that excluding groups of people from assistance in some way helps weed out those that are less 'resourceful' who are of course faulted for the barriers that are actually built into the program from its inception.

God knows we don't want confused seniors having those confused babies! Where ARE the gray panthers, anyway? Did AARP eat them up and spit out their bones?

Chuckles said...

If the seniors and disabled march on Washington that would be awesome, but I sure hope they do it before the summer or hordes will expire in the District's heat. That would be rather sub-optimal.

Kvatch said...

Brilliant Lily!

Rumy has a taste for doing in the evil-doers. Time to whore.

Anonymous said...

Sam Jackson, as in Samuel L. Jackson??
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides
By the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.
Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will,
Shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness,
For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger
Those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.
And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

AWESOME MOVIE

Drew said...

I think that Rummy's idea is this. Ignore the need for a draft for three more years. If and when the Democrats take over in 2008, they will be forced to enable the draft to clean up the mess that the Bushies have made in the world. This will make the Dems look bad and assure an Republican victory in 2012, that is if we are all still on this little rock and not singing with the "chior invisible". That's my prediction anyway.

Robot Buddha said...

Robotic Slaughter. I like it. Maybe I should start my own punk band...

Another fine rant.

michael the tubthumper said...

and the UK prime sinister will go along with sucking up to whichever wankers it happens to be in at any given point.

Vietnam was the only time since WW2 that the UK said no.

teh l4m3 said...

Reminiscent of the Onion article in which the state of foreign policy is reduced to "U.S. vs. Them", with Rummy standing before a graphic of the U.S. in blue, and the rest of the world aka "Them" in red.

Left of Center said...

Rummy has been studying Tantric Wargasm Technique. Reports of him walking the halls of the Pentagon with a raging hard on, and an open mouthed gape have been increasing. He is currently fondling, the plump thighs of Iran, and anticipates full penetration by years end.

tp said...

Robotic Slaughter...Robotic Gray Panthers...Fake Robotic Righteous Mexicans... Rex and The Numerologists...The Blair Bitch Project... lets hash it in Kingston, man.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

I saw the documentary, Why We Fight, this past weekend. It was all about your concerns. The military industrial complex now includes goverment contractors who make big bucks to continue the war. And who is our favorite contract guy? Why of course, Dick Cheney and his friends at Halliburtion and various other organizations that he owns or sits on the board of.

The Army slogan, "An Army of One" seals the deal for this complex. Nobody is going to be crying and bitching like they did it Vietnam, because unlike the draft, those boys choose to be there. Right?!

I encourage you to see the film because it was produced by the Canadian Broadcasting Corp and provides some insight into the sick minds of folks like Cheney and Rumsfeld.

Of key importance, it argues with our own thoughts. What have any of us have done today to stop the killing of innocent people around the globe? And leaves us with what Dwight Eisenhower said as he left office several decades ago about being concerned with the growth of an empire of weapons without a man in the oval office who knows the true strategy and true meaning of military intelligence.

Lily said...

Neil has a point: Why DON'T we outsource our army? I'm just surprised that we aren't doing that. Weren't we going to give citizenship to Mexicans in exchange or some plan like that?

Wouldn't it be ironic if we outsourced it to China?

Kvatch has posted the contest results at Blognonymous! (see blogroll) ..ignore the post where he accuses me of losing my cork today. (Frog Judas!!)

abi said...

At the very least, we should be outsourcing the Iraq war to the Iraqis.

Omnipotent Poobah said...

Sure, stock in Rumco is up now, but will his quarterly projects beat analyists expectations?

Who am I kidding? Of course they will. When you game the market everyone wins.

Lew Scannon said...

Condi makes remarks out of her box?!?!?!? Is that why the President likes her so much? "Hey Condi, show this visiting dignitary that li'l trick you do".
AJ,I don't think I ever was mad at you, and I'm truly sorry if anything I may have said led you to think otherwise. It's one big party over here, occaisionally, things get knocked to the floor, that's what happens at parties.

soem_maineiac said...

how about resurrecting the dead and creating an army of zombies???? not so far-fetched with the proper technology...

a zombie army using gentle, enslaved, telepathic aliens to make the dead walk was the subject of a "speculative fiction" story in a three-volume collection entitled "Dangerous Visions" 35-40 years ago...edited, solicited and collected from the best SF writers of the time by one Harlan Ellison...cannot recall the title or the author at this time, but it's sitting at home in my library...

some_maineiac said...

anonymous, i cannot resist the temptation to fill in the rest of your quote because it's posted on my cubicle wall at work...

"I been sayin' that s**t for years...and if you heard it, that meant your a**. I never gave much thought to what it meant, I just figured it was some cold-a** s**t to say to a m***erf***ker before I popped a cap in his a**. But I saw some s**t this morning made me think twice. See, now I think that you're the evil man, and I'm the righteous man, and mister nine-millimeter here is the shepherd protecting my righteous a** in the valley of darkness. Or, it could be, that you're the righteous man, and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and mean...now I like that, but that ain't the truth...

The truth is: you're the weak and I am the tyranny of evil men

But I'm tryin', Ringo...I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd"

WHAT A MOVIE!!!

Lily said...

One of my favorites, and Dogs, of course. Great soundtrack too. The most hilarious profanity/gratuitous violence on my shelf next to "Godzilla".

Lew I'm not sure what you mean about Condi's box. And what do you mean, its a party? I'm sure you meant to say "intelligent discourse" or "academic intercourse" or something along those lines... this here is a serious forum!

Where's the apple, we need to forget about the sad, sad display of Gonzo meets Ganj on C-Span...

Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

I know an America-loving plan when I see one!

Unfortunately, my inactive ready reserve time has expired, and am quickly approaching the age where I'll no longer be eligible for compulsory volunteerism; I've been waiting to get my hands on those smarmy Chinese for years!

Anita said...

This "box" issue .. come onnnn ... Anita sees a Double Entendre when she sees one !!

Bad. Very Bad. All of You. You're gonna miss The Rapture.

Lily said...

Anita,
(Shhhh! This how I mess with Lew, it's how we show love around here. Or we pretend to be upset,offended Mexicans to make commenters feel bad)

Lew Scannon said...

Not a party? What am I to do with all this beer and reefer?

Anita said...

Ohhhh, I get it now .. thanks !!

Anonymous said...

Who needs a party for beer and reefer?? I call that breakfast.

AJ said...

what? beer & reefer?

Is this what you liberals do after the Super Bowl?

Lily (absent from photo) said...

(What Superbowl?)

That Lew! Nah, we just consider it our civic duty to reinforce our own stereotypes. I'm wearing Birkenstocks with dirty socks, and my Lilith Fair t shirt, and I'm reading Chomsky while my tofu burger cooks... and no doubt Lew is out kicking trashcans, cursing at traffic. Somewhere.

Seriously, though...Do I act like I NEED reefer, AJ? I think that would make my disturbed mental outlook decidedly worse..

So I eat Lucky Charms. They ARE magically delicious.

windspike said...

Lily,

You had me at Multiple Wargasms. You had me at Mutlile Wargasms. The rest was just vibrations to titilate.
Nice post sister.

blog on.

Earl Bockenfeld said...

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides
By the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men....
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger
Those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.
And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."


I don't like it, but you should realize by now that you, your/my blog, and all our friends' blogs don't mean shit to the folks in power. We are becoming part of the problem, not the solution.

Which do you prefer:

1. Get rid of Electronic Voting, or
2. Teach your kids how to shoot.

If you believe there are any other options, or more pressing issues, then you have your head in a place where light will not shine.

By The Way, The Barrett .50 Caliber is about $7,000 now. And the ammo is $5/shot.

Anonymous said...

earl b, I prefer #1 ... #2 could be messy, especially if my head is blocking the light. D.K.

Eli Blake said...

Still trying to match the fifties though. You know, back in the days of Mike and Bravo, and all those other big bombs? I miss watching Dr. Strangelove on an old TV at 2:30 in the morning.

Oh, but those Chinese are our buddies, doncha know? Why else would we let them make critical components of our military equipment just to save a few bucks through outsourcing. Why else would we have them holding billions of our debt notes?

Well, brains was never a strong point for these guys anyway. They remind me of the shark nosed 'finger men' you used to see wearing double breasted suits around Vegas now and then. Dangerous but dumb.

Rich said...

I think you have struck a chord here. My question is what has a chord ever done to you?
So, the experts think our forces are stretched thin. Actually more than 7 independent sources that I am aware of have said that was one of the key reasons for things deteriorating in Iraq the way they have and the answer to that problem is to reduce the number of people we have in uniform.

I could go on on this thread for days hurting my head trying to reconcile the irreconcilable. Oh the genius of Donals Rumsfled. In our lifetime no one single person has done more to set back the cause of our military than this man. I think for all he has done we ought to give him 3 Medals of Freedom just to be consistent with the award of that medal to the likes of former CIA Director George "Slam Dunk" Tenet, and Paul Bremmer (Viceroy of Iraq fame). That then would give Rummy 4 Medals of Freedom and put him in a class by himself. Not that he is not already there.

enigma4ever said...

A Fine Rant and yes, I deblogged yesterday so that my cerebrum would not be on the ceiling ....( I did watch ALL the NSA hearings..speaking of that could we Outsource Gonzo- I mean some country would love to have him??? China? Cuba? Yemen? someone? anyone? he ahs no morals, no scruples, no conscience.....He and Rummy are evil twins of different mothers....Could we out source both of them?
And Lilly I suspected all along that you were indeed a Lucky Charms gal...I just knew it...we have that for dinner on White Trash Thursday- it goes well with My Name is Earl....

lily said...

Hmm. I have Kraft Macaroni and Cheese on White Trash Thursdays.

Was Gonzo supposed to be funny?

some_,maineiac said...

alright, i haven't been around long enough or read enough to get the "gonzo" references...someone please enlighten me?

rich your comment about "reconciling the irreconcilable" reminded me of yet another quote from a book I've read (I appear to be full of them these days)...the quote in mind is about one Ken Kesey, whose father is quoted as saying to him once...

"your problem, son, is that you keep trying to unscrew the unscrutable"

lily said...

Sorry- Gonzo is our pet name for Gonzales. And by funny, I meant at the hearings

I guess we're just used to calling him Gonzo this week. Or maybe we're lazy. Some of us are high. Or love the muppets. Some of us just like pet names for political misanthropists...

some_maineiac said...

thanks, lily, another fat-headed easy target, I see!

Earl Bockenfeld said...

Lily, I think it should be Abu-Gonzo.

Reichsminister Karl said...

Iran is next - take that to the bank, bitchez!

Static Brain said...

I read a comment you left on another blog about how if people really knew what happened in war how they wouldn't support it. Here are some pictures of what really happens. Static Brain There are babies burned by white phosphorus (napalm) in Fallujah dumped by our troops, adults burned by it too, and bloody soldiers. I could have used a lot more pics but then page would never load. And to think all this death and destruction is for oil.

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