2/23/2006

Nagin Endorses "Smite Insurance"


Thanks to Rex Kramer for his post on those blog-worthy S.Dakotans! The culture of life is alive and well, not only on death row in California...but like buds in spring- life is busting out all over!

On a related note, the insurance industry is now lobbying for regulations that would require residents in sin-prone areas to purchase mandatory Smite Insurance. Many people are unaware that traditional homeowner's insurance policies DO NOT cover acts of smite since changes implemented after Hurricane Katrina. It is of course the responsibility of all homeowners to check with their local officials to determine if they are in a designated Smite Zone and protect themselves accordingly. Coverage is not available in New York, California, or Vermont. This insurance only applies to acts of smite committed by Christian Deities, and must be officially labelled 'smite' as required by law. Homeowners cannot self declare. Coverage may require proof of tithing. Void where restricted by overbearing liberal governments that excessively regulate or by State's rights junkies that just love their fix.

28 comments:

Left of Center said...

I have Christian Smite insurance, as well as a policy that coveres me from acts commited by Sumarian deities. If Ereshkigal should decide to swallow my house whole in her terrible maul, I would be covered. I can't afford insurance from Hindu dieties, so if Kali the black earth mother wanted to feast on my entrails, I would be out of luck.. you know, as far as being compensated. I wish I could cover all the bases.

Lily said...

I heard that some people were denied coverage on the basis of pre-existing smite?????

Earl Bockenfeld said...

It's sad and mysterious that South Dakota was once represented by the war hero, George McGovern.

I'm smitten by the fact, that in spite of my slezy and slavish needs, I have been slack in surreptitious acquiring any sacrosanct smite sanctuary.

Anita said...

I've been smitten so many times, it's sad, so very sad. I need to learn to smite others !!!

Let me see if Amazon has any "how-to" books on that ...

Anita said...

Actually, I'm quite smitten by that handsome man, Pat Robertson, whose picture you so proudly display on this site.

Does he get free smite insurance?

Rev. Verle Smegma said...

Reverend Verle Smegma of the Fourth Fundy Baptismal Church of the Latter Day Peckerwoods would like to say "That's a dang good idea!" Lily, thanks for sharing that.
Do you have any contact numbers for them insurance folks. I wuz thinkin' ah might be able to sell some o' them policies ... why ... I kinda view myself as bein' the Lord's insurance salesman, anyhow.

Daniel Gallagher said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Daniel Gallagher said...

Great Satire! Way to go!

Kvatch said...

But seriously, check for this when you rent a car as well. The biggies Hertz, Avis, Budget et. al. are making "acts of god" a non-covered item unless you purchase extra "smiting" riders. Effectively, for those who are included to buy the insurances, they simply raised the price $10 per day.

tp said...

Maybe Reverend Gisher knows something about a "How-To" smite book. I think at Borders they are shelved near "self righteousness".

Anonymous said...

I need to talk to Smegma. My uncle lost his home, nobody told him he was in a smite zone, up the road from a Planned Parenthood...Ben

AJ said...

Living in the shadows of the TV hit series "The 700 Club",
I can assure you that Pat's Regency University has already come up with a convenient, cost effective smite plan.
Including the states you mentioned it's obviously not available to anyone that is a recorded democrat, green in color or otherwise, ...free spirited.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Thank goodness one of my homes is in New York. Thank you for Chuckie and Hillary and now this!

peacechick Mary said...

I understand S. Dakota implemented their abortion ban to eliminate the sin that the Christian Taliban associate with it and thus avoid a hurricane. Good post.

Anonymous said...

Chuckie better cut the crap or he will not only bring a smiting to NY but to its septic tank: New Jersey. And its landfill:Pennsylvania. Ben

lily said...

AJ, green in color? Like aliens?

Hope you got your money for the flooring. Sheeesh. No discount or anything! Are you smiting me?

Robot Buddha said...

People...read the fine print please.

A lot of the Smite Insurers are very selective as to the category of smite--that is the "actual instrument of God's Wroth" that they or will not cover: Plagues? Locusts? Frogs? Boils? It all depends on your geographic area. Look into it first before you buy.

Donkeyhue said...

I would recommend hedging yourselves with Satan as well, he offers very competitive variable damnation policies.

Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

As someone preaching to the heathens in Sodom-like Orlando (home of, I kid you not, Disney's "Gay Days,") I am appreciative of the benevolent insurance industry's issuance of these policies. I mean, in 2004 alone we were smited with THREE hurricanes, and these pagans still refuse to accept God's judgement!

The Fat Lady Sings said...

What I want to know is - what happens if aliens smite you? I mean what if the Vogons really decide to construct a nearby interstellar highway? Am I covered? Or do I have to purchase a separate and somewhat wordy poetry waiver?

Eli Blake said...

Do you get a discount on your smite insurance premium if your local school district teaches that the Biology books the kids are reading are false?

As a matter of fact, this post is not entirely facetious. A homeowner I know who lives over a mile from the Little Colorado River in Winslow, Arizona and quite a bit higher than the 'river' (which even at its maximum would qualify as a 'stream' back east) recently refinanced her home, and was required by the insurance company to purchase flood insurance (not optional, she had to buy it or lose her homeowners insurance). She raised a big stink about it and was first told that her home was determined to be in a designated 'flood plain,' by the insurance company. As I alluded to earlier, if you've ever been to Winslow and seen the Little Colorado (which I've seen dry all the way across) you know that this was a crock of _ _ _ _. After going around with them and getting the county commissioners involved, she got it fixed (the insurance company wrote her a check basically to cover the groceries only but still did not admit any wrongdoing.)

Lily said...

Well, be prepared to see all sorts of things from the insurance industry. We have discussed dashboard tracking here, and the idea of rates based on recorded 'behaviors' like speed, braking, etc. after this was a topic on "Car Talk".

Eli brought up education: maybe we can add education insurance? When the kids come home and tell you that the Civil War was fought to free the slaves? When the kids come home and tell you that after twelve years of public school they have never learned about the continent of Africa? When kids tell you that they spent class time, again, watching movies? Maybe the parents of America should be able to buy 'miseducation' insurance?

Anonymous said...

What about insurance for kids that have stupid idiot parents and might end up to be stupid idiots? Like those "Grow Up" plans? "If you grow up unable to decipher lies from facts on tv, if you grow up unable to tie your shoes, or make minimum wage but still pay an accountant to do your taxes...you collect x amount of dollars." Idiot parents everywhere can insure their children's futures against certain hardship.

Rich said...

Got Some Good News Today by way of Think Progress:

Geico's return to New Jersey was called a watershed moment in the state's effort to cut the nation's highest auto insurance rates.

In fact, its August 2004 decision to end a 28-year walkout over what the company saw as excessive regulations "was like having Hollywood arrive," said auto insurance lobbyist Magdalena Padilla.

But consumer groups and some lawmakers are angry about a little-known provision in the deal that brought back Geico -- now the state's No. 4 insurer.

The insurer uses a person's education and job status to figure out how much to charge. In short, blue-collar workers and those with less formal education pay more.

"It is really unconscionable," said Phyllis Salowe-Kaye, executive director of New Jersey Citizen Action, a consumer coalition. "I would love to know who they are marketing themselves to? Are they writing letters to doctors and lawyers? Everybody should be putting down that they are Rhodes scholars."

Assemblyman Neil Cohen (D-Union), chairman of the Assembly Financial Institutions and Insurance Committee, said he is drafting legislation to ban the practice. He said Sen. Nia Gill (D-Essex), chairman of the Senate Commerce Committee, will co-sponsor it.

"It is discriminatory and it has no relationship to how somebody drives," Cohen said. "None of that should be considered."

A document called "Geico Auto Group Guide to Company Placement" dated Feb. 3, 2004, shows how the company views a person's job and education.

http://www.nj.com/news/ledger/index.ssf?/base/news-5/114101878943320.xml&coll=1

What's that, you just have a GED but no accidents in 30 years, too bad.

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