1/15/2006

The Military Needs 'A Few Good Geeks'

I'm not very impressed with the Military's ability to remain fresh and exciting. "The Office" -edgy. EMO -hot. Military? Not so much so. Recall those days of Star Wars Defense?
The point has been made repeatedly that the US seeks to minimize casualties by employing technology- unmanned drones, smart bombs, lasers...(misleading hat tip= Spurious George)with the unfortunate side effect of periodically screwing up and taking out unintended citizenries. The days of two sides shooting are over, clearly now it is preferred to err on the side of killing civilians. I think we all get that.
But despite all the smart bombing and computer guided surveillance, I don't think we are getting our money's worth from the Milicrats. I think they need a Few Good Geeks.(continued)



Consider this tangent: There are all these new 'mapping programs'and the possibilities of GPS are staggering.For example, on NPR there was a discussion of the childhood practice of digging to China(because children are told that China is on the other side of the earth, of course)and the many new uses for mapping software that can track anything from breweries to what IS on the other side of the planet. Exactly.
Precise coordinates and GPS will no doubt lead exponentially to amazing things. And this is but one example.
One can use a website to create a virtual hole- it will show you via GPS coordinates exactly the other side of the earth from where you are. Often the hole opens up into the middle of the ocean, but it's an interesting game to play in your cubicle. On the one hand, we are at the cusp of technology we can't even imagine. And yet, we still pump oil from the ground and can't seem to bomb the right people.
My question is this: Why can't the Military or Security council, in addition to all these inspections, etc. make more practical use of these technologies to track the hazardous materials that could get "into the wrong hands"? When countries transport uranium for their energy needs, or accumulate cylinders, or build missiles-why not have tracking devices on everything and everyone involved (implanted into the pancreas of everyone we liberate? A GPS tracker?) so their movements show up on grids whose patterns are analyzed by computers using danger-detecting algorithms?
Their locations could be viewed and mapped with precision and available to all. We could even watch THE MOVEMENT OF TERROR during our lunch breaks. I mean, aren't inspections, like, so 2002? We actually saw a possible 'trailer'on tv that Saddam allegedly used for hiding material scary 'material'. The dude had gold toilets, but hid metal pipes in moveable trailers? No wonder they hate the influence of the West.
We have seen containers for weapons sold to Iraqis with the labels in English. (Where did they get them? Amazon?)See, private industry would never let that shit happen anymore than Jessica McClintock would have permitted 'slave labor' on her clothing tags.
So the inspectors roam around in 4x4's, looking for vats and drums?
Excuse me, but I find this type of primitive detection to be offensive in the age of Gates, Big Google, and BMW's that call their owners. Can't we do better than that? I mean, eBay is better at detecting wrong doing.
I say the military needs a healthy influx of nerds. Yes, nerds. Not people that can do x amount of push ups in y minutes. But bonafide nerds, that keep Marvel comics under their mattresses instead of porn, that do online 'role playing', and read Linux Today.
Now as the scholar Bill O'Reilly points out: we don't want Iran to have nuclear weapons. If they do, terrorists will take them and use them. Or they will be gambled in a poker game. Or the leader might do an Al Pacino impression and scare us from the diplomatic table again.
Bill, why is it harder to steal a hat from the Gap than it is to steal some anthrax? Why do you not put the blame for all this tomfoolery where it lies? Squarely on the shoulders of recruiters that should be scouring the ICON conventions instead of the High School caf.

12 comments:

Robot Buddha said...

Some good points! I just would insist that the Geeks, Nerds, Doofi, etc. that we send in harms way be outfitted with "up-armored" pocket protectors. I don't want us to lose a single Spaz to an AK47 round ripping through some cheep plastic crap. We've got to have Kevlar and ceramic plates to protect their doughy chests! And MRE's should include Cheetos too.

john_m_burt said...

Silly Buddha, the whole point of recruiting nerds is to avoid having to send people into combat.

In fact, the Nerd Corps uniforms, in addition to Dress, Mess Dress and Working varieties will include Working Pajamas.

Robot Buddha said...

With roomy reinforced and padded seats and Yohoo resistant material?

lily said...

Well there was that company that provided defective safety gear to the Gulf War troops... causing them to be unknowingly exposed to radiation. Since I beleive we still reward them with contracts, should we give them a call????

Always great to hear from you two. Fine bloggery at your digs.

Neil Shakespeare said...

Well, according to all those movies, the Nerds always get their revenge, so maybe so. I think we should get rid of The Dork Patrol and put in The Nerd Patrol.

enigma4ever said...

maybe they think that if nerds are on board that they could create their own Wag the Dog Virtual War...remember the scene when Kirsten Dunst is filmed with a bag of Doritos- but they alter the film later?...yeah, nerds aren't physically valuable...they would scarifice them in a heartbeat..esp...those Damn Bloggers...your blog looks great...and you always have such interesting posts...
I have been on break- but I was still reading ( in a lurking fashion)....

Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

For once I find myself agreeing with Liberal Lily. As a soldier in Bill Clinton's army, I was assigned a rudimentary GPS device the size of a Volkswagon. It wouldn't work while in a moving vehicle, and when one stopped to get a reading it took about 5 minutes (plenty of time for Saddam to launch a WMD in one's direction) to produce a 4-digit coordinate (a square kilometer.)

Yes, we need geeks, geeks by the score. Just as long as they're not gay, of course. Or Islamic. Or female. Wouldn't be prudent.

lily said...

We need a nerdy danger seeker, one that laughs in the face of radiation and DU- because they are so accustomed to the radon in their parent's basements.

So break out the "Dr Who" tapes and lets speak Klingon! For the good of America!

Plus, they are damn good with epoxy and they can paint plastic soldiers for military simulations like nobody's business!!!!

(Liberal Lily throws a Birkenstock in Rex's general direction)

enigma4ever said...

Liberal Lilly I have also heaved a Doc Marten in Rex's direction also...NO geek gals ? now what pray tell is so prudent about that? ( doesn't he know that geek gals are the best? hmm, guess he never saw Scully on the Xfiles? poor lad)

lily said...

Yes Enigma! A boot wearin gal! Let him have it. In a peace loving way of course.
I used to say that if I could change faces with any chick, it would be Scully.
Or that Lori Petty from "Tank Girl". I said that after a friend called me Blair Hair. Talk about running to a salon!

But your point has not been lost amid my juvenilia. Women offer a distinctly estrogenesque approach, we can all see what direction patriarchies go in...the way of warmongering.

enigma4ever said...

Oh no a new phrase I must steal....Estrogenesque....a lovely phrase that I must put in the old verbal arsenal...( if I can just spell it properly)...it is a matter of problemsolving...and critical thninking skills..women know all about thinking outside of the box...( like the box that is mr Kramer's head....talk like the above and he is indeed a danger seeker...where did I put that other Doc Marten???)
and yes, Scully is wonderfull and I miss her...I have a few little scully qualities- I am very sciency and yes..red hair and blue eyes...but I alas I am not as sleek or refined as her...sigh , oh well...in another life maybe she wore ripped old jeans, 2nd hand sweaters, and Docs- what do you think?....)I like your new boot logo....

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