1/24/2006

50:The Number Of The Beast

(Tommy D.- Graphic from "The Beast", hat tip to Cantankerous Bitch for the find! ) Run, Run- don't walk, to The Beast for the "Fifty Most Loathsome People" list. Hilarious.
I will give you a tantalizing teaser... (continued)



Some tidbits:
47. Martha Stewart
Charges: Only in America could a plutocrat convicted of insider trading find sympathy among her social inferiors—people she would have either sterilized or mustard gassed, if the law permitted her.
*****


29. Terri Schiavo
... only to become the focus of a manufactured media blitz involving the character assassination of her husband, the selective coverage of fifty protestors by 200 reporters, and a disgusting demonstration of congressional overreaching, all in deference to a frightening fringe culture’s farcical take on ethics.
*****


28. Joe Lieberman

Exhibit A: “Freedom of religion doesn’t mean freedom from religion.” Apparently, it also doesn’t mean freedom from asinine revisionism.

*****

27. Ann Coulter

Charges: The fact that Coulter is considered desirable by Republicans belies their sick and masochistic nature... she is a revolting skeleton with a boob job and a grotesquely oversized head, who feeds only on the hatred of her target audience, liberals. Only redeeming quality is that she is impossible to take seriously--really more of a shock comic than a political commentator, whether she knows it or not.

Exhibit A: “I’m getting a little fed up with hearing about, oh, civilian casualties.”

*****

16. R Kelly

Charges: As if videotaping himself urinating on an underage girl wasn’t bad enough, Kelly decided to follow up by inflicting the worst piece of music in American history upon the public consciousness. Kelly claims he is a genius for squeezing out what are so far 12 installments of his “hip hopera,” “Trapped in the Closet” like so many virtually identical turds, with no variation in musical content and a story line so patently terrible that it soon became the subject of a parody-frenzy...

*****

13. God

Charges: If your answer to the age-old question of God’s existence is “yes,” your next question should be, “Why is he such a dick?” After three major natural disasters, not to mention the eternal constants of famine, war and disease, to believe in God is to believe either that He enjoys fucking with us, or at best has totally lost interest in the whole “people” thing. Never calls anymore.
Exhibit A: Mosquitoes, Ralph Reed.

**************************************************************
Read the list- "The Beast"-www.buffalobeast.com

26 comments:

Aethlos said...

i hope Coulter made the top ten... and ah yes... Charlie. excellent description--that teacher you wanted to lay for an A... the toussled hair, the bags of tired under the eyes, the work-wrinkled suit, the brooding black studio, my Charlie Obsession really knows now bounds... Mmmmmm Charlie Charlie Charlie.

lily said...

Coulter is in the continuation, the link! The link dammit!!!
Charlie Rose is of course not on the list. He never makes anyone's evil cut.
Charlie IS on my list of "fantasy-worthy nerds historically overlooked that shall remain MEMELESS" along with Dyson man, White House Press Corps' David Gregory, Jonathan Pryce, Jeremy Irons and of course- James Taylor...

Aethlos said...

okay, i feel kinda dumb... i don't know who that titus is. eek. but i only watch one televisions show. betcha can guess which one it is. i DO know that titus has never been on charlie rose. the only titus with whom i'm familiar is famous for this quote: "Who doth molest my contemplation?" (titus Andronicus, of course) :)

Aethlos said...

"televisions"... nice huh? maybe i should read more books.

michael the tubthumper said...

they missed out margaret thatcher

lily said...

He's a comedian.

I don't enjoy tv as a rule but watch Comedy Central to calm down before bed after a day of politicoraging and fury.
It's not like its an insult, you know.

Chuck said...

LMAO! I know I'm old & thought I was wise, but I haven't even heard of some of those "people". I'll agree with most of them though- and I'll say that some were missed.

What are "YOU" doing on there though. Lily? Or is that me? HA!HA!

AJ said...

Hey Lily

enjoy your comments over @ Rex's place, and thanx for stopping by mine.
You are quite a talented writer, and this post is excellent. Martha Stewart??
Hey-I'll go to prison for a few months if I can make a few hundred thou when I get out.
May I suggest doing one on, well, say Jeff Skilling (the arrogant prick CEO at Enron who I would PAY HBO to see his manhood removed non-surgically)?
Or even Lay, but he's such an wimp "O-I-didn't-know-anything-about-what-they-were-doing-*sob* moron, that if his dick was removed I doubt he or his wife would even realize it for a week or two.

but they're all bush's buddies, so better not defame them..

Robot Buddha said...

Lucas is up there, but what about ubertool Steven Spielberg? Aside from that glaring omission, good list.

Lily rocks!

mattandriver said...

One visit deserves another. Nice page, I think I’ll keep it.

rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

what the hell is this:

50. Geraldo Rivera???????

he should carry every slot from one all the way through ten. call jessie jackson, we have voting fraud here.

lily said...

Ok So there are many missing. This is true. But it was a good start.

Anonymous said...

I am not a mad man christian, but your dis-respect of God in your piece is wrong. It is the same attitude of those that call women bitches and blacks niggers.

Lily said...

If you look carefully, you will see that the material is sourced from "The Beast" and I am not the author. I simply credited THEM and provided excerpts. I do think that humor has its place when discussing the context of real problems, and I am not going to apologize for the use of God in any post.

If YOU are free to use MY god on your money, why are you restricting the right for others? Is God like the premium cable package, you have to pay to evoke his name? But if its about God smiting African Americans, or Gay people, the use of God for HATE is permissable? Is that the standard? Do educate.

tp said...

See I am opposed to this phoniness about language- everyone gets their panties in a knot about WORDS but not deeds. You covet your terminology but not your people. Not your communities.Tonight Mumia spoke about the 'context' of Nagin's remarks, for example, and pointed out that the criticism is about WORDS once again, and not about the actions.

I think its time to get past the simplistic talking points and fucking bullshit fakery that abounds in America and start calling things as they are, and focus on the real dilemmas at hand. I'm sure you are an upstanding dude, but come on, disrespect? When we kill, exploit, ignore, impoverish, turn our backs on our brothers, is THIS what god had in mind? Don't presume to talk about disrespect- I fail to see how many of the hateful actions done in 'his' name are compatible with respect.
If the post said Allah no doubt there would be cheers from the asswipe brigade. Hypocrites.

Neil Shakespeare said...

Great stuff. Thanks. 'Mosquitos and Ralph Reed'. Really love that! Thanks a lot, God!!

Rich said...

I got as far as Larry the Cable guy and came to the realization that I have a long way to go before I finish this. Great find. Thanks

Drew said...

This one is classic. I will, however, have to sue the author for subsequent damage to my computer keyboard as a result of shooting Mt. Dew out my nostrils.

31. Rita Cosby

Charges: Unholy pastiche of fearmongering and celebrity ringworm with the brain of a moth, the integrity of a tapeworm, and the appearance and larynx of a sugar-addicted, glass-eating drag queen.

Exhibit A: Her banter with Joe Scarborough kills children.

Sentence: Kicked in the nuts.

Drew said...

Anon,

I'm sure God has a sense of humor. I mean, look... he allowed Bush to get elected, and then re-elected.

Furthermore, I hardly think God has BuffaloBeast on his Blackberry's RSS feed. I'm sure he has more important things to worry about... like making good on all of Pat Robertson's promises.

Lily said...

Wait, didn't god in fact create "The Beast"? Its like that commercial where the guy claims he's sticking it to 'the man' but his subordinate points out "But YOU are the man".

Surely God likes a good fuckaround now and then or we would all have Mary Matalin's sense of humor.

Aethlos said...

OMG Lil, you're an annie dillard fan..... i DO love you. ;) (and forster ain't so bad either... and RAND is a fucking Goddess) you have such excellent tast.....so charming it's alarming.

Lily said...

UH. Yeah. So I sit on boulders and read about muskrats. How ALLLLLLURING.


I like to see some parallels in them all. Class is not always overtly discussed.

enigma4ever said...

I am leaving a post again- I have now been booted twice...so sad...Saw the comments here, and Sure enuf Anony the Troll, has been well throtlled and lessoned by you and your fine posse. So you don't even need my ranting-godsmacking-head-a-thunking help here, You indeed have earned the right to wear the Ranting Tiera with pride- you handled the Trollie with such aplomb and expertise...And you sit on boulders reading about muskrats- welp- you are welcome to my Urban Oassis- we have some lovely dogsized rats roaming the neighborhood. I thank you for mentioning poor OlCharlie Rose- he should win some aclaim for Something...and I see Geraldo made the list- he should been given top honors...gee. You have a wonderful posse over here- they are welcome at the Enigma Cafe as well...(hmm, is that blogwhoring)..nah, I just like having new visitors over there...

Aethlos said...

Lily, you get a shout out in my Charlie Rose Blog for being right about this Anthony Hopkins interview. You're a smart bitch. :) xo

KELSO'S NUTS said...

The list was awesome. I'll disagree with three: GERALDO REIVERA (garden-variety media idiot). He's just an insect. ANN COULTER: nobody here gets it --IT'S ALL AN ACT -- reliable sources tell me she doesn't believe a word of it and LOVES TO PARTY...Pretty fucking good sense of humor, too, if you ask me. MARTHA STEWART: Probably a bitch, but shit, she did the crime and the time and really was a bit of a victim here, of overzealous prosecutors (are there any other kinds?) and her own stupidity and greed -- should have copped, paid her fine and been done with it.

As anyone who reads KELSO'S NUTS knows, HILLARY CLINTON, JOE LIEBERMAN, ELISABETH BUMILLER, THOMAS FRIEDMAN are all on OUR list.

Agree with LILY wholeheartedly that Charlie Rose (along with the entire Serious White Male contingent: Russert, Broder, etc, etc, etc.) should be there.

Anonymous said...

Excellent, love it! » » »

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